Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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