hotel room ftw
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
