Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think your dad took our porno
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
