He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
