Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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