I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
