it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
