nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize