im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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