do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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