Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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