I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
