we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
