He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
