it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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