sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
