I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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