I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
