And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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