My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
