Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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