p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
