I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
