allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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