ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
