My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
