im having a threesome with these popsicles
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
