Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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