70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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