he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your penis caused this!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
