I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
