Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
