I want to have your abortion
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
