even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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