I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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