Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
