who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
