i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
COCAINE IS GR8
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
