Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize