***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
