I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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