Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
