I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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