He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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