Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
