i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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