A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
