we should wear snuggies to the strip club
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize