shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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