I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
