Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
