At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
