the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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