i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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