I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
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I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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