he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
