is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
